Venting Vs. Problem Solving

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Hey friend,

Welcome to the 47th weekly edition of Pillow Talk! This is where I share my unfiltered thoughts on life, business, and property management.

This week, I’m explaining the Venting Vs. Problem Solving framework.

Back who knows how long ago, I heard a very interesting leadership adage that goes something like this, maybe you’ve heard it before:

“If they bring you feelings, they need empathy. If they bring you facts, they need a fix.”

If you don’t recognize it, this refers to the Venting Vs. Problem Solving framework, a simple way to decide how to respond to problems your team brings you.

Venting Vs. Problem Solving

I recently learned this adage was derived from a study published in 1984 titled Stress, Appraisal, and Coping. It was authored by Psychologist Richard Lazarus and Professor of Medicine at UCSF Susan Folkman.

The study proposes that humans can cope with stress in two different ways: Emotion-focused and Problem-focused.

Venting

Emotion-focused coping is an attempt to calm their anxiety, or whatever emotion stress has induced. Emotional stress compounds just like physical stress, and if not released, it can lead to burnout and sometimes serious health problems. For some weird reason, one way to release emotional stress is talking it out, otherwise known as venting.

You know someone is venting when they can’t point to specific incidents or problems. They might say things like “everything is a mess right now” or “people are being difficult.” Sometimes you’ll need to take action and lighten their workload or something, but often what they’re really looking for is a sounding board to feel heard and valued. My intuition is they also want to know they’re not alone in their problems, because how isolating would that be!

RULE: If they bring you feelings, they need empathy.

BEST RESPONSE: Active listening, encouragement, compassion, checking in.

Problem Solving

When they bring concrete events and examples, they are using problem-focused coping. They believe the situation can be fixed and are looking to you for a solution. They might come to you with a paper trail, specific dates, or a clear sequence of events (“On Tuesday, X happened, which delayed Y, and now Z is blocked”).

RULE: If they bring you facts, they need a fix.

BEST RESPONSE: Investigating, making changes, setting timelines, and following up.

The Right Response is Important

Respond to someone who needs to vent with a 3-step checklist to solve whatever you perceive is stressing them out, you’ll come across as insensitive. Respond to someone who needs a fix with a pat on the back, and you’ll come across as evasive. Humans tend to jump to conclusions. Respond in the wrong way, and they’ll assume you meant to. It’s hard to come back from that. That’s why quick-and-simple frameworks like this are so helpful.

The Roundup

Content worth the click

• Institutional investor involvement in the U.S. housing crisis
• Deb Newell launched a property management M&A marketplace
• Your lease doesn’t do anything
• Peter Lohmann’s 3 favorite metrics

Good night 😴

Lior Abramovich
Co-founder, CEO